Mood Swings

Yesterday was a mood swing day. However, I didn’t take my usual walk, didn’t drink, and had no social contact. It was just me and the weather and my ‘luxury’ apartment. But that includes my mind, as well as my smart TV and smart phone. And that can be overwhelming. Because now my mind can interact with the entire world with simply pushing buttons on a keypad. Progress?

The weather can affect my mood.
Moody weather

The day started off as typical: coffee, reflection, writing and thinking. Birds at the cafe, feeding. But it was overcast, with a west wind and moderate temperature, atypical. To accompany my thoughts I decided to play some winter Christmasy music. Cassettes on my late 80’s boombox. And then I wanted a fire! So I clicked on my smart TV, YouTube, and found a crackling Christmas fire. I began thinking I should have a Christmas party. COVID be damned! I made a list of family and friends to invite …

I can alter my environment , and mood, with the tap of keys.
Crackling Christmas fire

And Then what Happened

was I became wistful, nostalgic, and misty-eyed. The music was from the late 90’s, New Age Celtic Christmas, which I had played in my bookstore. Moreover, the bookstore also had a fireplace. Furthermore, as a small business owner in a rustic mountain town, I was respected and well-liked. In addition, December 2001, was the first and only time the shop had turned a profit. And then my mood began a descent.

What I Did Next

was stop. I thought about drinking to celebrate (party now), because that makes me feel good. Instead, because I’m reducing my alcohol consumption, I ate and switched over to Netflix – for distraction and entertainment. And entertained I was! I watched eight hours of uninterrupted (no commercials) movie and serial, real-life historical, contemporary dramas. Mistake?

What I watched

were intense melodramatic, representations/interpretations of recent events that have had an effect on life in the here and now:

  1. Hillbilly Elegy
  2. Snowden
  3. The Crown

And I went to bed at ten, sad. (But slept well.) Briefly:

  • ‘Hillbilly’ is a movie adaptation of J.D. Vance’s memoir of growing up in rural Kentucky and Ohio, overcoming great odds, to become a graduate of Yale University and successful author and pundit (i.e. expert).
  • ‘Snowden’ is an Oliver Stone movie about Edward Snowden, a troubled genius who exposed classified intelligence for the ‘greater good’. He lives, now, in exile in Moscow with his girlfriend.
  • ‘The Crown’ is an original Netflix series about the life of Queen Elizabeth II of England. The Queen is still alive, 94 years old, and the longest reigning monarch in history.

The Point is

I woke up neutral/balanced, got really excited and enthusiastic, deferred that which made me happy, was entertained, got sad … and went to bed.

But, nothing happened. It all happened in my mind! I had absolutely no contact with anyone, thing, or event.

I don’t know if this is a good thing or not?

This is the world we live in now. I know I’m lucky in many ways. I know I’m glad I’m not J.D. Vance, Edward Snowden, or Queen Elizabeth II. They’ve had tough lives.

Should I

have a party?

I think I’ll drink now …


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