My spine is (not) fine; nor is my neck. Which is stiff. The top of my spine (vertebra 1c and 2c) and the bottom (vertebra 4l and the sacrum) is stiff and sore. From top to bottom I hurt. I have been knocked out of balance by events out of my control. Crooked I am. Indeed, I need the aid of my hiking stick to walk.
Nevertheless, I am happy. Happier than I’ve been in years.
Notwithstanding that I stagger when I move–as if no one were watching.
I think, that’s because I’m settling in here, in Loveland, Colorado. Because I do love this land–these mountains of Colorado. I can see the Wild Basin
where I used to roam. Wild as I wanted.
Yesterday
I unpacked many framed pictures and placed them strategically around this funky apartment. Additionally, I hung curtains, strategically, Now, for the first time in years, I feel at home.
Maybe
it was the whiskey? And the warmer bedroom because of a space heater, too. Or, maybe it’s because Loveland is “a Red dot in a sea of Blue.” Psych-girl said. Or maybe, it’s because I’ve surrounded myself with nostalgia? Pictures and things to remind me of my father, brother, and son. My Dad, Bro, and Jake.
They remind me always that despite my (not) fine spine–that I have known unconditional love. My spine is (not) fine; but maybe in time that will heal. Here in Loveland, Colorado. Because I’m home.
Time heals a lot. I hope you feel better soon.
Thanks P.J. Just this morning I was thinking about how my experience of time has become so weird! Such as what happens at the beginning of the day seems so far removed from the end of the day. Like it happened years ago. But overall, the days, weeks, months seem to be flying by. And so – time is now maybe that which I have so little left. To heal. Maybe that isn’t something that is going to happen, physically. Fourteen years ago I made a movie and uploaded it to my Youtube channel called “Twenty Years on Planet Earth”. It spans the years 1993-2013. It is all from my wild days in the Wild Basin. Wow! I was, it seems like, so different then than now. I’ve gotten so old and fragile now. BUT, the Wild Basin remains the same! Except there are so many more people now who hike into it. You need a reservation! Made, of course, online. And prepay with a card. “The Last Hike” I took there was in 2018. Recounted in my last book, Election 2016. Anyway, thank you so much for the well wishes. Here’s the movie: https://youtu.be/6bV2m7FY7LA?si=5kqly3vBIorVpP_x
Will definitely check it out!