My spine is (not) fine; nor is my neck. Which is stiff. The top of my spine (vertebra 1c and 2c) and the bottom (vertebra 4l and the sacrum) is stiff and sore. From top to bottom I hurt. I have been knocked out of balance by events out of my control. Crooked I am. Indeed, I need the aid of my hiking stick to walk.
Nevertheless, I am happy. Happier than I’ve been in years.
Notwithstanding that I stagger when I move–as if no one were watching.
I think, that’s because I’m settling in here, in Loveland, Colorado. Because I do love this land–these mountains of Colorado. I can see the Wild Basin
where I used to roam. Wild as I wanted.
Yesterday
I unpacked many framed pictures and placed them strategically around this funky apartment. Additionally, I hung curtains, strategically, Now, for the first time in years, I feel at home.
Maybe
it was the whiskey? And the warmer bedroom because of a space heater, too. Or, maybe it’s because Loveland is “a Red dot in a sea of Blue.” Psych-girl said. Or maybe, it’s because I’ve surrounded myself with nostalgia? Pictures and things to remind me of my father, brother, and son. My Dad, Bro, and Jake.
They remind me always that despite my (not) fine spine–that I have known unconditional love. My spine is (not) fine; but maybe in time that will heal. Here in Loveland, Colorado. Because I’m home.